PTSD and other random thoughts

Several months ago I put up a blog post about my mental illnesses On Writing and Mental Illness. And during the week this blog post hit me.

I realized something in my Overhaul of Trigger. My main character shows signs of PTSD. She has nightmares, flashbacks, and often hits the highs and lows that can sometimes show as symptoms.

She has a flashback when she’s painting a picture of her friend, she has nightmares when she doesn’t in her words “clear her mind” before sleeping, she hits depressing lows when she feels like she has failed, she hits abnormally high highs when she feels like she’s accomplished something.

So why did that only hit me during the overhaul? Well, when writing the story, I was simply telling Rose’s story and didn’t pay attention to how she was acting. I was just getting out the story of a Vampire Hunter. Then during the overhaul, I looked over everything with a fine-toothed comb. That’s when I noticed all of her “abnormalities”.

Without meaning to, Rose had gotten my PTSD. And in its own way, Trigger has become a coping mechanism to deal with my mental illnesses.

In a sense, Rose dealing with Morph could be considered a form of DiD or Split Personality. And several of my characters do deal with something like this. And the closest one to the actual Mental Illness of DiD is Alexis Ryuu/Frost Lindome, my favorite character.

Frost had overgone several reimaginings over the years as I grew up. At first, she was who I wanted to be. A strong independent dragon with a serious attitude and a lust for life and adventure. And for some reason she was blue and as her name suggests she was an ice/snow dragon. As a kid, I hated the color blue. And I had a bad experience with snow which led to a phobia of the white stuff. So why is my favorite character blue and a frost dragon?

In truth, I have no idea. I think some part of my subconscious wanted me to get over my fear of snow and ice, so fear of a thing only increases fear, thus my friend was an ice dragon. As for blue, as I grew up, blue was just another color. It’s not one that I can wear (since I look like death warmed over wearing blues) but it’s a pretty color.

Eventually in a recent rendition of Frost, her father, who is the Fallen of Emotions (they’re powerful and too long to explain here, but what he does is he can take your emotions, block them, or enhance them),  grabbed her from her home and enhanced her feelings of rage, lust, and a few others and turned them into a whole new personality known as Ice.

That was my first experience writing someone with DiD because Ice was Frost but a different person, if that makes sense.

That’s all I got!

Keep On Writing Dudes! And Don’t Forget to be Awesome!

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