Trigger 3.0

*groans* yet another overhaul. I went on a date with my boyfriend today in order to EDIT Trigger. What it turned into was this:

 

Me: *editing*

Tony: You need to give Rose a day job. Otherwise she’s just sitting around all day doing nothing but sleeping.

Me:..like what?

Tony: You could make her painting her profession…

Me: I don’t see Rose doing that.

Tony: What about working at an office?

Me: She stuck at 18, people are going to start going, wow you’re 30? You look good for your age.

Tony: Fast food?

Me: *gives him a look* Hi, welcome to Wendy’s may I take your freaking order? *said deadpan*

Tony: You’re painting her into a corner. She needs to have something to do. Something that will add comic relief and make Rose more likeable.

Me: *groan*

Tony: And Dayle can’t just pop up outta nowhere. You need to have him be a work to get there. Where is this even set up at where Reiki people show up out of nowhere?

Me: Colorado.

Tony: *snorts* forget I asked then. You need to show more crazy people then.

Me: *laughs*

Tony: And then Dayle’ll see her in, I dunno a Denny’s outfit.

Me: didn’t they use to wear things like little frilly dresses?

Tony: Maybe not Denny’s…don’t want to get sued.

Me: Right. Um, well

Tony: Something medieval too! That way it’ll fit her. And I quote “I was a barmaid in the dark ages, now I’m a barmaid in 2010s in a place that mimics the dark ages”

Me: *laughs and starts looking up Medieval puns, says a few before:” What King was famous for his works of fiction at the round table? King Author!

Tony: That’s it! Call the place King Author’s and everyone that works there is dressed up as princesses and stuff from fairy tales.

Me: yeah but who would Rose be…*thinks about it* What character would she hate the most? Snow White.

Tony: *laughs* Welcome to King Author’s, our Apple Pie is to die for.

Me: *snickers* Oh my gosh, she would so want to die working at that place XD.

Tony: Even better, when Dayle sees her apron he starts going to that place just to harras her!

 

And thus, Rose got a day job.

 

That’s all I got!

Keep on Writing Dudes and Don’t forget to be awesome!

Health both Mental and Physical

People who have read my blog know that I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years back. But a lot of other people don’t know that I was diagnosed with PCOS which is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. When I was first diagnosed with PCOS it was back when it was PCOD the D stood for Disease. I was told it was incurable and that because of it I would never have children.

At sixteen, that was depressing for me, especially since I always wanted to be a mother. Ever since I was very little. I always had a ton of baby dolls and stuffed animals. When I played with them they were my children.

They told me my only hope was birth control, but one of the side effects of Birth Control is that you may never have children like that. I was on it for a total of three years off and on. The problem with the BC was I was very hormonal, very angry, and always starving. Since I’ve been off the BC I’ve lost almost thirty pounds.I also started taking supplements to help me.

I also started taking supplements to help me with my PCOS. Because of that, I got all of the benefits of the BC without the downsides. I’m not suffering my hormonal or anger issues but everything is working normally and I’m not dying from pain every month.

So that’s me working on my physical health. Now as for my mental health…

I started seeing a very nice lady who is able to do EMDR or Eye-Movement Desensitizing Reprocessing. What it does is it basically works through your memories and makes it so that you can remember them without the emotions and flashbacks that came with them.

Weirdly enough anytime I get close to getting my mental health on track someone I know (and it’s always the same person) tends to go a little mental. I started doing EMDR when I was 22, that was when I got a phonecall from this person saying it was my fault their life was going down. I had to call 911 because while talking to me she downed 14 bottles of pills.

And anytime after that when I would go to look into doing EMDR this person would have one crisis or another. And she never knew that I was going to see these psychotherapists.

This nice lady that I started seeing was going through my mental history with me for two weeks. The day before my second week before we would start EMDR I got the most messed up text message from this person. I’m going to get my mental health on track. Nothing she can do will persuade me otherwise. Because I need to fix my mental health, or I’m never going to have a healthy relationship with my boyfriend.

That’s all I got!

Keep on Writing Dudes and Don’t forget to be awesome!

On the Woes of the World

In the past week, I have never felt more beat down and broken. I don’t know how else to explain it, just broken. Sometimes I can smile and fake my way through how much I hurt inside and I’ve been like that for years. But when all of my faults pile up I just feel like I am a waste of skin.

Now, this doesn’t mean that I’m depressed. It just means that my self-esteem is so low that I don’t want to bother with it. So I’ll curl up into a ball, escape into my world, and nest. The nesting thing is kind of bad because I do quite literally nest. I bring all of the things that make me happy into one place, usually with me holding a stuffed animal (currently holding onto

So I’ll curl up into a ball, escape into my world, and nest. The nesting thing is kind of bad because I do quite literally nest. I bring all of the things that make me happy into one place, usually with me holding a stuffed animal (currently holding onto Baby Discord), writing someone’s story (I’m working on overhauling the second book in Barrel of a Gun, since I overhauled Trigger and a lot of things no longer make sense in Safety) and listening to a depressing song that will slowly start to cheer me up (and right now it’s Orchard of Mines by Globus).

Why is my self-esteem too low? Well, to be honest, I think that it links back to my PTSD. Sometimes people will say things that make me remember things that were said to me when I was little, sometimes I’ll just feel worthless and start making me feel bad just because of that, and sometimes people are just hurtful.

I’m even a day late on my blog just because I felt like no one would want to listen to me. I’m boring…and why the heck would I ever think I would be any better as an Author? I’m still boring.

But the nice thing about when I get so low is my support group, which comprises of my Boyfriend, my friend and fellow writer Noël, and weirdly enough my cat. My boyfriend does his best to let me know that if I was worthless he wouldn’t have even noticed me, my friend does her best by just being there and listening to me and having correct responses to it, and my cat nuzzles up to me when I’m all upset.

So even with the woes of the world, I’m still doing alright.

That’s all I got!

Keep on Writing Dudes and Don’t forget to be awesome!