Point of View

First Person Point of View (or POV) is a dying art. I have read very few that do that medium justice…and very few people demand it. Most demand Third Person. There’s a big difference between the two POVs. And I’ve learned that I don’t particularly enjoy writing in Third Person.

Third Person is writing from an outsider’s point, watching the story unfold and doesn’t really immerse the person into the story…and doesn’t really let you see the insights in anyone’s head. I never really liked writing in that style.

Don’t get me wrong, Third Person is really good for reading, it makes you feel like you’re watching the story unfold as you watch everyone else move around. And when it’s done well the story really flows…

I can’t write that. For whatever reason Third Person has never been how I prefer to write. Which brings us to First Person.

First Person makes you see the story unfold from the main character (or in my case, main characters) point of view. You hear, see, and know everything they do. It makes for a fascinating point of view. Especially, if you’re writing–like me–from the POV from someone with a mental illness.

I’ve seen very few books that actually write First Person very well, the Fever Series by Karen Marie Moning is one, the second one is Anita Blake by Laurel K Hamilton. Both feature snarky women who don’t take any crap. And I love that.

Once I started writing in First Person I found my medium. I love writing in first person. Specifically First Person Present Tense. Tenses are another thing. And are actually very easy to understand.

Past tense is usually what you will read books in. Everything has already happened, so you’re just listening to the characters thoughts on what happened back then as they’re telling you their story.

Present tense is when everything is happening right before your eyes.

To me? That makes for an interesting POV. You are seeing the story unfold as it happens. As the character lives their life, you are part of it.

So why First Person? Because I love to see the story unfold before me. And I hope that you do too.
Keep on writing, dudes, and don’t forget to be awesome!


When Life gets you down…just keep swimming

So, it’s been a while. But there’s a reason for that. I went through several heartbreaking moments last year and then more during the first half of this year. So I’m going to try to sum them up.

1. My cat got really…really sick. I was afraid that I was going to have to put her down in November last year. That was a dark day for me, she’s been my friend since I was 16 (and I’m turning 30 in a few days). Thankfully she pulled through and it was just a cold.

2. I recently went through a major life changing game. I started being able to handle my mental illnesses. My PTSD isn’t gone, but I can handle it.

3. …I was dropped by my publisher. I have suspicions as to why (aside from not making enough money), but I won’t get into those here.

4. I tried to get published and was told that I needed to pay them a grand to even get them to look at my book. Avoid Austin Macauley Publishers if you are trying to find a publisher they make you pay them to publish your story but they don’t check it out, they don’t edit it, and they tend to make your books look like crap. Not worth it.

And there you have it. Everything that happened with me.

And now I’m getting into writing again and starting work on Barrel of a Gun. This series means a lot to me and I have four coming out this year. check them out on my website.
Keep on writing, dudes, and don’t forget to be awesome!

New Year’s Resolutions, Publication Dates, and Life Changes

Hey there! Sorry it’s been so long since I last wrote. Sometimes I don’t entirely know what to say, or even what to write. I don’t know how interested you would be with my life, the movies/tv shows I like, the books I read, or even the games I play. So I tend to stay quiet and keep to myself.

I plan on changing that this year. Every week I will post something on my blog, be it story ideas, progress reports, drawings I’ve made (or ones that other’s have made) tv show/movie/game reviews, or just life in general. That’s Resolution #1, write a blog post a week, even if it’s just something silly.

As for my life changes, I recently got married to the man of my dreams. He married me on Halloween 2017 <3. Our life is going awesome together. I was also dropped by my publisher last month. I was told it was because my books weren’t selling as well as they had hoped. So now I am going to be moving forward publishing my stories by myself.

That hits Resolution #2, do not give up hope. No matter what. I’ve come to the conclusion that so long as one person reads my stories, I’m happy.

Resolution #3, do not compare myself to other authors. This is a big one for me. Considering I was constantly trying to compare myself to quite a few of the authors I’ve read and gave up hope on ever being as good as them. I am good, just the way I am. So I need to remember Resolution #2, because I was giving up hope because of that.

Now on to the last item on my agenda: Publication Dates! I’m mostly going to be focusing on Barrel of a Gun, as that’s the story that I am looking forward to the most. There’s also the hope that I will continue trying to make sense of what I was trying to write with Fire of the Night, but for now, that one is a back burner.

So for 2018, these are the dates I’m hoping for my books to be published. If they change for any reason I will keep you updated.

January 31, 2018 – Barrel of a Gun: Chasing Dreams

This was originally a romance Novella I had published last year. I’m going to be sprucing it up and making it part of the Barrel of a Gun series. I had originally planned for it to take place there, as Joy also shows up in Trigger. This will become the footstone that is the beginning of Barrel of a Gun.

April 25, 2018 – Barrel of a Gun: Marissa Journals #1

This is one of the stories I was already planning for a while, it follows Marissa, an inventor that knows Rose from Trigger. This was going to be a later Novella, however, with the changes I’m making to my Apocalyptic Series, this will be better suited for coming along earlier.

July 25, 2018 – Barrel of a Gun: Beauty is Found Within

This story came to me when I decided to change around Trigger a little bit. Instead of making the story happen in the past I wanted something to happen to make sure that the events Trigger could happen at any time, without the need to think of a time crunch. It will also shed light to a character that won’t show up until Barrel of a Gun: Suppressor.

September 26, 2018 – Barrel of a Gun: Trigger

The revamped version of Trigger without a specific date in mind. It will still follow the basic plot with a few differences to it. Like the aforementioned lack of a time crunch. Not to mention maybe a few newer chapters mentioned here and there.

TBD – Fire of the Night: Treacherous Beginnings

The first real story I ever wrote. This story has been through a lot of changes and now it’s going to finally become the story I want it to be. I don’t have a date set, like I said, I want to focus on Barrel of a Gun first. Though this story has been on my mind for years.

TBD – The Elementals: Life and Death

Yet another story that has been on my mind for years. My first National Novel Writing Month I ever did was based around these two. As time went on I grew more and more attached to Life and Death and the other ten Elementals from Jericho. I mention a few of them in Trigger, which is part of the reason why I want to pick up this story again. And I will, at some point.

That about does it! Keep writing, dudes! And don’t forget to be awesome!

From Shepherd to Ryder, a ME:A Review

After hearing about the bugs and a lot of problems with Mass Effect Andromeda, I decided to wait until the week of Fourth of July to play the poor game. After they released a few patches and fixed many of the problems, I fell in love with Mass Effect Andromeda.


At first, it seemed as though it wasn’t going to be as immersive as the ME Trilogy, which had ended up tearing my heart out of my body and making me feel as though my choices hadn’t mattered. This game on the other hand, once I met Jaal, a lot of things changed, especially when I realized how similar it was to one of my favorite series, Star Trek: The Next Generation. After I figured that out, Andromeda sucked me into its story. The story of humanity trying to survive whatever happened with Shepherd.


I hope with the DLC or the second Andromeda game, that we can point out what had happened with OUR Shepherd, so that we can see what happened with our Humanity. In my case I had accidentally chosen the “Control the Reapers” or “Be Blue” decision. However, because of the way that I play the game, that is my choice. How I rationalized it for my Paragade Shepherd was that she would have wanted it that way, so that EDI would live and stay with Joker. Besides, nothing mattered to her anymore…with Garrus—who had become her love interest—being dead.


Back to Andromeda, while people complained about the script and the bugs and everything else, the thing is that the script reminded me a lot of Guardians of the Galaxy. Whereas the ME Trilogy was more of a drama with a lot of fighting, Andromeda was a comedy with a lot of fighting. Which was a welcome pace after the sadness that followed ME3 (which I had only played the trilogy for the first time, last year), especially when you realize the age gap between Shepherd and Ryder. In the beginning of the ME Trilogy, Shepherd is 29 and a hardened military man/woman, it makes sense that their trilogy would be dark and military based. Whereas Ryder is 22, young, untried, and forced to fill his/her father’s shoes.


Thus the difference between my Shepherd and Ryder was night and day. Whereas Diana Shepherd was a tough love, pessimistic kind of person, Samantha Ryder was an optimist with a kind of smart alec personality who loved to talk back and take charge. Diana followed the rules to a point and bit her tongue a lot. Sam doesn’t and if she thinks something is unfair or wrong, she’ll tell you.


I only hit one bug in the entire game…it was during Liam’s Loyalty quest. After talking to the captives on the ship, I was told to go to the next area. Well, the map was wonky because of things, so I ended up a little lost and started screwing around. I managed to get caught between a lamp and a container by accidentally using my sprint jet boost towards it. I ended up landing on top of the lamp and then fell into a crack I couldn’t get out of. Luckily for me, the autosave feature in the game saved my bacon. I only had to talk to the captives again. Not restart the entire mission.


All in all, I enjoyed Mass Effect Andromeda. The ending left so much out in hopes of DLC and a sequel, complete with the one jerk that I refused to make a deal with walking away. I just hope that they do actually continue this series.


They didn’t give up on Mass Effect 1, which had so many boring parts in it that I felt like I had to suffer through it…to the point that I didn’t do many of the side-quests because they didn’t feel like they mattered to me and I really didn’t want to go there and do something boring again!


Whereas with Mass Effect: Andromeda…I did most of the side-quests, I only have about ten missions left over with ME:A after beating it. One of which I completely admit to giving up on. Counting the dead, it’s a little complicated and I only found three bodies…aaaaaaaaaaand then I couldn’t find anymore. I might try that one again after I finish any of the other quests.


All in all, I give Andromeda a 7/10, which is a far sight better than I gave Mass Effect 1 which I gave a 4/10 (and all of that 4 is for the dialogue and main story the rest of it…eh). It’s worth a play…and I hope that they continue what they started.

Anne with an E and PTSD

Last year for Mental Illness Awareness Month I mentioned how I was a sufferer of PTSD. This year, I’m going to cover the new Netflix series “Anne with an E” and how Anne suffers from PTSD and the parallels that connect to me.

I was around four or five when I first watched Anne of Green Gables (the 1985 Miniseries) and six when I first visited Prince Edward Island. I grew up loving Anne because of her imagination so much like mine, her huge vocabulary that she used at every opportunity—that I understood only because I was an avid reader and had studied the dictionary when I was very little, and her ability to overcome anything that came her way.

However…when I started reading the books when I was fourteen—as part of my curriculum as a homeschooled child—I grew more attached to her. The things that were left unsaid in her stories, how she would end up staring when things upset her, her temper that made her fly off the handle, and her fear of loving. I realized even at fourteen that Anne was more like me than I could ever imagine.

Whereas Anne was an orphan with no family to love her and being told that she was unwanted until the Cuthberts took her in. I grew up with what appeared to be a normal Christian family. Mother, father, brother, and me, the youngest of two siblings. No one knew. Everyone just thought that I was the odd one out of the family. No one believed that I had been abused—by the maternal parent—to the point of using my imagination like Anne.

After reading the books, the Miniseries had no appeal to me anymore. They pretty much skimmed over everything that had been unsaid in the books. Saying that Anne was the way she was because she’s Anne. It didn’t mean that I didn’t enjoy Anne of Green Gables, it’s just that Book Anne was far more relatable to me as opposed to 1985 Anne.

Anne would always complain about how she was plain and ugly and homely. I felt like I was all of those things. Because I had been told those things. Which means that Anne was most likely told all of those things as well.

Another thing about the books is that Mental Illnesses weren’t really diagnosed in 1908. And if you had really bad ones you were sent to an asylum. Anne was suffering and healing her PTSD by herself! That’s not to mention that Matthew Cuthbert seemed to have some severe Social Anxiety. Anne said that he was extremely shy.

What I noticed is that Matthew rarely talked to even his sister. And didn’t really start opening up until he met Anne. Marilla, because of her loss of family and Matthew barely talking to her, started growing colder. Until Anne. While Matthew said that maybe they could help Anne, Anne was helping them too. In ways that the siblings never expected.

I never expected to fall in love with a movie or show Anne ever again. Meghan Follows did an amazing job as Anne in the miniseries. And the other Anne of Green Gables movies were…eh at best. I wasn’t expecting Amybeth McNulty in Anne with an E (or just Anne in other parts of the world) to become an amazing Anne. I wasn’t expecting the Netflix series to cover the things that I caught in the books. And I certainly wasn’t expecting a really excellent portrayal of PTSD and Social Anxiety. Complete with flashbacks—that comes hand in hand with PTSD—the inability to hear when you’re having an attack, and the hopelessness you feel when you feel unwanted.

All in all I give Anne with an E five stars. The characters feel more real than they did in the miniseries. They kept rather close to the books. And they gave Anne a little bit more depth of character.

Keep on writing dudes! And don’t forget to be awesome.

NaNo is in full Swing!

National Novel Writing Month…this is usually a time of disappointment for me. I started doing NaNo in 2007, I won that one. After that in falling into depression, moving a lot, and having things to deal with I didn’t write again until 2011 and then I won that one. I was a participator from 2011 to 2014. And then I won 2015 and I’m working my way to winning 2016. I’ve been donating to NaNo since 2013, because I approve of their cause and helping people write.

In 2007 I could write, but I wasn’t writing the way I could or should. Thus the Dark Prince was a good rough draft. In 2011 I worked with the rough draft, figure out ideas and plot lines and realized that my “Dark Prince” from my first NaNo actually had a lot of character development waiting.

Weaving Arrows (2011) is still a rough draft. I never completely finished that story. I still need to work my way through Miriam and Aaron’s story to figure out completely who those two are and what exactly their story means. I know where it begins and I know where it ends. It’s everything in the middle that counts.

2012…that one was actually a little idea I had. What if the Calendar is real? I was rather skeptical over the Mayan Calendar. After all, when you reach the end of a calendar…the world doesn’t end, you get a new one. After that, Rose Marie Lupei started talking in my head. I didn’t finish Trigger in 2012.I barely got halfway with it. It wouldn’t be until July of 2016 that I would finally finish Rose’s first story.

Curse of an Ancient King (2013) is yet another unfinished story in Miriam and Aaron’s world. But it’s set in their past and is loosely based off of the legend of King Arthur. Rose even mentions Excalibur in Safety.

Despite…having Rose’s first book unfinished…in 2014 I started work on Safety. I didn’t finish that one either. However, I am not at 48,000 words in that story. I wanted to finish it before this year’s NaNo, but it didn’t end up going that way. It’s currently shelved while I work on this years NaNo.

The Death of Memories (2015), was actually based off of a dream my dad had. However, halfway through the story I lost where it was going and eventually just started writing fanfiction. Thus the Death of Memories was never finished. I do plan on working on that story…eventually. I still have Suppressor to finish after Safety.

This year, I am working on the Three Novella romances I need. And I’ve come up with a pattern. I write until the cute romance gets to me and then I write fanfiction about a character that I am curious about to get more character development. Then I go back to writing my Novella.

I’m halfway done with the rough Draft of Love Me Tender’s (Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear.

So I think I’m doing just fine this year!

Keep on writing, dudes! And don’t forget to be awesome!


Trigger is Published!

I can only apologize for my radio silence. I have been very busy. I haven’t even been online much except to check my facebook.

I finished editing Trigger this year, finally. This story was a wild ride for me that has lasted almost four years, the first story is over and done with and available for people to purchase!

You can buy it here https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01LDIEOE0/ref=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o01_?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I’m currently working on four more stories which will take up most of the rest of my year. Especially with NaNo coming up. So, honestly, writing blogs may be put on the back burner until after NaNoWriMo.

Anyway, Enjoy Trigger!

And as always

Keep on Writing Dudes and Don’t forget to be awesome!

Confessions of a “Sellout”

Since I had a video posted today (I’ll include a link below) where I vlogged for my old Cleanplace buddies, I had a friend point out that I shouldn’t use the word sellout.

There is actually a reason behind the fact that I chose that word specifically when it came to writing romance. I had a few friends back in the day (that I no longer talk to) and two authors tell me that when you write romance you’re selling out.

That really stuck with me. Especially since two of the authors who told this to me were Christian Fantasy writers! And when I asked those two where should I get my start in writing they told me the same thing:

“Don’t write romance, Christian or Secular, it’s selling out.”

Why? Why is it selling out? I actually asked a romance writer why it is considered selling out. Her reply was fantastic.

“They say that, because when you start out as a romance writer it’s hard for people to see you otherwise. Especially when you start writing fiction that’s out there.”

Do I believe that I “Sold Out” when I became a romance writer? No, I think I became an Author when I became a romance writer.

So why do I say that I sold out and became a romance writer in the video? I’m poking fun at the people who told me it would be selling out. Because to my knowledge, I’m now published and they’re still piddling around not knowing what to do with their life.

Anyway, that’s all I got for this dramatic blog,

Enjoy the video!

Keep on Writing Dudes and Don’t forget to be awesome!

Trigger 3.0

*groans* yet another overhaul. I went on a date with my boyfriend today in order to EDIT Trigger. What it turned into was this:


Me: *editing*

Tony: You need to give Rose a day job. Otherwise she’s just sitting around all day doing nothing but sleeping.

Me:..like what?

Tony: You could make her painting her profession…

Me: I don’t see Rose doing that.

Tony: What about working at an office?

Me: She stuck at 18, people are going to start going, wow you’re 30? You look good for your age.

Tony: Fast food?

Me: *gives him a look* Hi, welcome to Wendy’s may I take your freaking order? *said deadpan*

Tony: You’re painting her into a corner. She needs to have something to do. Something that will add comic relief and make Rose more likeable.

Me: *groan*

Tony: And Dayle can’t just pop up outta nowhere. You need to have him be a work to get there. Where is this even set up at where Reiki people show up out of nowhere?

Me: Colorado.

Tony: *snorts* forget I asked then. You need to show more crazy people then.

Me: *laughs*

Tony: And then Dayle’ll see her in, I dunno a Denny’s outfit.

Me: didn’t they use to wear things like little frilly dresses?

Tony: Maybe not Denny’s…don’t want to get sued.

Me: Right. Um, well

Tony: Something medieval too! That way it’ll fit her. And I quote “I was a barmaid in the dark ages, now I’m a barmaid in 2010s in a place that mimics the dark ages”

Me: *laughs and starts looking up Medieval puns, says a few before:” What King was famous for his works of fiction at the round table? King Author!

Tony: That’s it! Call the place King Author’s and everyone that works there is dressed up as princesses and stuff from fairy tales.

Me: yeah but who would Rose be…*thinks about it* What character would she hate the most? Snow White.

Tony: *laughs* Welcome to King Author’s, our Apple Pie is to die for.

Me: *snickers* Oh my gosh, she would so want to die working at that place XD.

Tony: Even better, when Dayle sees her apron he starts going to that place just to harras her!


And thus, Rose got a day job.


That’s all I got!

Keep on Writing Dudes and Don’t forget to be awesome!

Health both Mental and Physical

People who have read my blog know that I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years back. But a lot of other people don’t know that I was diagnosed with PCOS which is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. When I was first diagnosed with PCOS it was back when it was PCOD the D stood for Disease. I was told it was incurable and that because of it I would never have children.

At sixteen, that was depressing for me, especially since I always wanted to be a mother. Ever since I was very little. I always had a ton of baby dolls and stuffed animals. When I played with them they were my children.

They told me my only hope was birth control, but one of the side effects of Birth Control is that you may never have children like that. I was on it for a total of three years off and on. The problem with the BC was I was very hormonal, very angry, and always starving. Since I’ve been off the BC I’ve lost almost thirty pounds.I also started taking supplements to help me.

I also started taking supplements to help me with my PCOS. Because of that, I got all of the benefits of the BC without the downsides. I’m not suffering my hormonal or anger issues but everything is working normally and I’m not dying from pain every month.

So that’s me working on my physical health. Now as for my mental health…

I started seeing a very nice lady who is able to do EMDR or Eye-Movement Desensitizing Reprocessing. What it does is it basically works through your memories and makes it so that you can remember them without the emotions and flashbacks that came with them.

Weirdly enough anytime I get close to getting my mental health on track someone I know (and it’s always the same person) tends to go a little mental. I started doing EMDR when I was 22, that was when I got a phonecall from this person saying it was my fault their life was going down. I had to call 911 because while talking to me she downed 14 bottles of pills.

And anytime after that when I would go to look into doing EMDR this person would have one crisis or another. And she never knew that I was going to see these psychotherapists.

This nice lady that I started seeing was going through my mental history with me for two weeks. The day before my second week before we would start EMDR I got the most messed up text message from this person. I’m going to get my mental health on track. Nothing she can do will persuade me otherwise. Because I need to fix my mental health, or I’m never going to have a healthy relationship with my boyfriend.

That’s all I got!

Keep on Writing Dudes and Don’t forget to be awesome!